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| some thoughts from a couple really bad days. that's not to say it's all really how it is, but thoughts are thoughts. bad days seem to be the trend right now. must be the winter times. not looking for responses, just good to have it someplace other than in my head.
- aren't you supposed to care about or look forward to what you do for a living at least a little most of the time.
- i've been judging people too harshly, probably to keep from looking at myself.
- i feel fake 12 hours a day now.
- in two months if i haven't moved already then i'll be trying to, you'll be moving or working full time and we'll never have the time like we do now.
- the excuses don't justify it. i'm just dumb and weak sometimes.
- despite my understanding it, i'm hurt and a little resentful.
- i feel more alone than ever.
- those people need a little humor.
- i feel sick to think about it so i'm trying to forget.
- home doesn't feel like home anymore.
- i want to be lazy because i have to work a lot. if i didn't have to work i would live life the way it should be lived.
- life is too short for this.
- all the movies, games, jokes and fun you'll miss.
- why am i getting dizzy all the time.
- why is it always just when things seem pretty good.
- i should sleep more but then i'd have no day.
- it may never be like it was. i've been here before.
- i should hang out with grandma more. i already know i'll regret it when she's gone.
- why do i feel so aloof most of the time.
- certainly it shouldn't be this hard.
- it would be ironic if i died suddenly. the death thing would suck though. then again, that's hassle-free sleep time.
- i miss it and you.
- i'm sorry. | | |
| first of all, let me state that i realize this is so long that almost no one will read the whole thing. but anyway...
so...this is one of those sort of lame update kind of things that lets me address people as a large whole and keeps me from having to talk to individuals. it's an easy way out, i know, and i'm ashamed and yet unwavering. at any rate, it's been a while.
still looking for a job and have been since the end of october. it sucks. but you knew that already. so many resumes and so little response. but i can't say i'm worried. i'm sure it'll all work out eventually and in the grand scheme of things it doesn't seem worth fretting over something that i won't care about later. i'm not saying that i ain't trying, i'm just not weeping and beating myself up when nothing comes of all my attempts or panicking because the economy is junk.
on that note, though, i think that what would be really great is owning a sweet, independent used music, movie and video game store. something amazing like "second time around" ( http://www.secondtimearound.com/ )in dayton or "play it, trade it" ( http://playit-tradeit.com/ )in columbus only the size of "the book loft" ( http://www.bookloft.com/ ) in german village. i recommend all of the aforementioned stores too, by the way. nothing but wall to wall CDs and vinyl, DVDs, games for NES, SNES, Genesis and on and on. i could hire friends or ppl i just like, play the music i want in the store, and just chill and help the customers and do some independant graphic design on the side. anyone interested in joining in?
what brought on this idea, you ask? well i've been to a lot of these kinds of places lately as i've taken to collecting the old video games from my childhood. NES, SNES and Genesis is the name of the game. i've been looking anyplace i can find for the old games i use to play and love sooooo very much. take a look:
the NES collection thus far (left to right, top to bottom): Super Mario Bros./Duckhunt, Super Mario Bros. 2, Super Mario Bros. 3, Metroid, Castlevania, Metal Gear, Contra, The Legend of Zelda, The Adventures of Link, Bad News Baseball, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II, Kirby's Adventure, Batman, Mega Man 2, Double Dragon, Dr. Mario, Tetris, Tetris 2, Ducktales, Chip N' Dale: Rescue Rangers, 10 Yard Fight, Anticipation, Donkey Kong/Donkey Kong Jr., Yo Noid, Bases Loaded 2, Flight of the Intruder
the SNES collection thus far (left to right, top to bottom): Super Mario All-Stars w/ Super Mario World, Zelda: A Link to the Past, Donkey Kong Country, Star Fox, Earthwrom Jim 2, Secret of Mana, Contra III, Actraiser, Ken Griffey: Major League Baseball, Goof Troop, Super Bomberman, Ken Griffey: Winning Run, Super Gameboy
and finally the Genesis collection thus far (left to right, top to bottom): Sonic 1, Sonic 2, Toejam and Earl, Castle of Illusion Starring Mickey Mouse, Home Alone, Rocket Knight Adventures, Sonic Spinball, Animaniacs, Tiny Toons: Buster's Hidden Treasure, NBA Jam: Tournament Edition, The Lion King, Toy Story, Golden Axe, Sonic & Knuckles
a decent collection considering i didn't have most of these games a month or two ago. and i treasure them like the dork that i am. not only that, but i have played each of them on one of these systems:
in the picture is my whole setup. there's N64, wii, PS3, PS2, X-Box, NES, SNES, Genesis, good old VHS player and my stereo that provides lovely sounds for me. my desktop is connected to the tv too for watching downloaded tv shows and movies. and it's all hooked up to this big guy:
the 42" TV i got back in may for a steal. it's just wonderful. only bad part is that the duck hunt NES zapper gun doesn't work on the newer LCD TV screens. a shame but i'll live.
then i get to play it in this room with these loverly lights:
is it overkill? yes. am i a huge nerd? definitely. do i still love it all? yep. and the truth is that anyone reading this can certainly remember at least one video game that they played as a kid that they'd love to play again just like they love to watch those old teenage mutant ninja turtles cartoons or prancing around their "my little pony" doll for the ladies who weren't into the whole turtle thing.
i'd like to invite anyone who would like to contribute to my collection and future store stock to let me know either how much you want for some of your old games or to donate them to me instead of throwing them out or taking them to your local thrift store. even if it's one i already have or if it's for some weird obscure system like the CD-i or virtual boy, you've got my attention. i'll probably even pay the shipping and handling if you live kind of far away. and let me assure you, i'm totally serious. just lemme know with an email: triphus@gmail.com i'll also understand if you just can't let go of the things too.
so that was what a good deal of my gift money from christmas went towards. i got the PS3 and genesis as gifts and bought the SNES with a gift card. i had lost all my old gaming stuff and it has returned to me again. along with all this i got a nice garmin GPS and this:
that is, indeed a miniature leg lamp just like the one from "a christmas story". my mom hates the movie and yet feeds my love of it by giving me this. wonderful.
i also went to the whole lights at the columbus zoo thing with a group of friends.
it was pretty cool. really cold, but not the worst i've been out in. it had been forever since i'd been to the zoo, but sadly all the animals were happily asleep by the time we got there. except the bats. they were going clubbin.
on a more serious note i also feel it appropriate to mention that even though i didn't know him like most of the generation below me, chris burgess will certainly be missed. i have nothing but good memories of the guy and he made me laugh many a time, and that's the best gift ever, right? right.
so i think that's about it, but i will say one final thing. i know there's a group of people, probably more than i even know, who either feel alienated by me or rejected or angry or disrespected....whatever the term should be. i left the group b/c it made me feel like junk when i was around and i felt like i was making a jerk of myself and hurting people and in some ways being hurt myself. i don't regret cutting myself off for a while b/c i needed it and i think it was best for everyone. but i also think we've all moved on and the likes. i don't hate any of you even if you do me. i know that no one was devastated that i left and i didn't expect anyone to be, but i'm always willing to have a chat in person or via technology. even if it is awkward. most things are with me. my new email is triphus@gmail.com in case you didn't know or see it above.
with that said, i can already tell i've spent super extra way too much time on this post. so...the end.
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| oh god, that terrible science.
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| it's that hour where the minutes blur and crawl like tears seeping through fingers. when you realize you're standing outside the door, patting down your coat pockets mumbling, "where the hell did i put the keys," and then wondering if you're even at the right address. sure, it's only momentary and subtle, but it's enough. | | |
| so here's a song that i made to try out some new recording software, but i've grow attached to it and i think it's got some potential. the production is pretty bad and the mixing isn't good, but that's the way it goes when u're just recording something in your room with a cheap mic and a computer. it's just me singing a bunch of harmonies and a couple guitar tracks. the simple lyrics were made up fairly quickly, but not without thought and relevance. basically, i wanna know what you think of it if u care to tell me and i'm not looking for compliments here. just say whatever comes to mind i guess. and if u really wanna help me get some input send it to someone else who doesn't check this thing anymore and ask them what they think. i like how the song is coming so far and i'm wondering what others think. anyhow, here it is:
lyrics: Tell me truth.
Spare me lies.
Fables are weakened with time. I love.
Make a sound so clear.
I love
with an open ear.
Give me sincere. | | |
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